When it comes to money, why do some people naturally excel at saving, while others seem to spend everything they earn ? Is it all about self-control and discipline, or is there something deeper at play?
Karen Eley , a former financial adviser turned money coach, delves into this question on the latest Get Rich Slow Club episode. Together, she, Ana and Tash explore how our childhood experiences, beliefs, and emotions shape our relationship with money.
Managing money versus understanding money psychology
Karen explains that our relationship with money is about more than just earnings and savings; it’s about how we think and feel about money.
"Our emotions drive our financial actions and behaviours, and those actions create our financial results," Karen explains.
While many people focus on financial actions like budgeting or investing to improve their finances, Karen believes the key lies in addressing the thoughts and emotions behind those actions. By starting with the thinking, rather than the doing, we can better understand the emotions that trigger our behaviours.
Early experiences shape our money beliefs
Karen shares an example from her own life to illustrate how childhood experiences can shape beliefs about money . Despite being a financial adviser and knowing what to do with money, she struggled with overspending.
"When I was about eight or nine years old, I had money taken away from me out of my savings account. And then a couple of years later, I saw that my mum had money taken away from her," Karen recalls. This created a subconscious belief that saving was futile because money would always be taken away.
As an adult, this belief played out when a partner withdrew all their joint savings after a breakup. Uncovering this belief helped Karen address it and reshape her financial habits.
Identifying your money story
To understand your own money behaviours, Karen recommends examining your "money story."
Start by writing down your earliest memories about money. She advises spending time reflecting on memories of pocket money, your first job, or arguments about money at home. By doing so, you can uncover patterns and beliefs formed in childhood.
Karen notes that many of our financial behaviours are shaped between the ages of 2 and 12, when key beliefs are embedded in our brains.
Why savers and spenders are so different
Our brains are partly to blame for whether we lean towards saving or spending. Karen explains that the primitive part of the brain is wired to keep us safe by sticking to what feels familiar. If someone grows up in an environment where living paycheque to paycheque is the norm, their brain may instinctively seek out that familiar state as an adult.
Similarly, beliefs like "I’m bad with money" or "money causes arguments" can hold people back from achieving financial success.
Rewriting your money story
Once limiting beliefs are identified, the next step is to challenge and replace them. Karen suggests reflecting on when and how these beliefs were formed.
For example, a reluctance to ask for a raise might stem from childhood experiences of not wanting to burden parents. By recognising this origin, you can start to replace the belief with something healthier, such as " I am worthy of being paid fairly ."
Karen emphasises the importance of repetition and consistency in forming new beliefs. Writing them down and revisiting them daily helps rewire the brain and create positive behavioural changes.
Helping kids develop healthy money habits
Parents play a crucial role in shaping their children’s money beliefs . Karen advises parents to present a united front when it comes to financial messaging, even if they have differing views.
It’s also important to use constructive language. For instance, instead of saying, "We can’t afford that," parents could explain that the purchase doesn’t align with their goals or values.
Karen’s approach with her own children involves giving them pocket money and allowing them to learn from their mistakes. Over time, her spender child observed his saver sibling accumulating more money and has since adjusted his habits.
Karen believes it’s better for children to learn financial lessons early, when the stakes are lower.
The role of money coaches
Karen highlights the value of working with a money coach to address deep-seated financial challenges.
"Quite often, people go and see a financial adviser and the financial adviser says: 'Actually, you need to go and see a Karen first because you’ve got some challenging dynamics around money'," says Karen. "Whether it be overspending, indecision, or just having a fear around money or investing.'"
For those unable to afford financial advice or coaching, Karen suggests turning to free resources like financial counsellors, or exploring emerging digital education platforms.
Final thoughts
Improving your financial situation often starts with understanding yourself.
Karen’s advice is clear: investing in yourself – your beliefs, your emotions, your behaviours – is the best investment you can make. Once you’ve built that strong foundation, you can work on cash flow, investing, and wealth creation.
Whether you’re naturally a saver or a spender, it’s never too late to rewrite your money story. By examining and challenging old beliefs, you can create a brighter financial future – and perhaps even inspire healthier habits in the next generation.
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Happy investing!
